I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
