distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
