Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
