Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
