I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
