We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
