If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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