I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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