I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
