Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
