I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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