I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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