what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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