First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
