i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it glows. i had to have it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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