I didn't shave. On purpose
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
