I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
