i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
