I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
