You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
