What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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