Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
