You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
