I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
