he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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