I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
