Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
