Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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