I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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