I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
