okay pat passed out under dana's car
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
