I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
