ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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