I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
