she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
