What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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