Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
