You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
