I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When are your genitals available?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
