My nipple is on Facebook.
Do vagina's smell?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
