ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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