I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I still have a little drunk in my system
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
