just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
