it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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