The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
