this beer tastes like vomit already
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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