you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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