the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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