Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
