i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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