So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
