Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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